another step along the road to becoming a crazy cat lady, walk with me as i explore the lighter side of interpreting opinions my cats don't really have

Thursday, February 24, 2011


sorry for the delays in new posting. the kittehs were too busy to share their opinions with me last week because they were sitting on me while i was home with the flu. and this week they've been scouting out the land next door while i've been talking to the bank about maybe buying it.
in the meantime i have this short video of widget on the vacant lot next door

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

cats on books, books on cats

what are your thoughts on the recent library closings and potential library closings due to budget cuts all over the US?

fraggle: as you can see, i prefer computers to books. turning the pages is kind of difficult but track pads were clearly designed with paws in mind. however, the local library has a great online selection of books and a whole reference department online. unfortunately they seem to be quite lacking in copies of the anarchist cookbook. but the section on automotive manuals has been MOST instructive. brakes lines are just within reach of even petite felines like myself... muahahahahahaha.... ahem, where was i? oh, yes, anyway, if the libraries closed, i'd be most put out.

widget: mostly i like tv. books aren't very comfy to sleep on, they don't get warm like the tv does. and the tv has moving things that are fun to look at. but books are good for naps. see, when my human has a book she sits real still for a long time and makes a lap. and books only take one hand so there's a hand free for belly rubs. i know my human gets lots of books from the library so maybe if there wasn't a library i wouldn't get as many belly rubs. i'ma gonna go watch tv now. that spiky headed blond guy on the food network is talking about ribs and barbecue.

*catastrophegirl says: the title of this entry is a nod to the history of my love of books - legible leftovers in longwood FL. i think it's closed now but it was a fantastic bookstore that had resident cats. one of them lived in a bassinet and was too fat to get up but he'd come follow me when i searched the stacks because i always brought a string of beads to trail along the floor behind me. only place i could shop for books and play with cats at the same time.

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paper or plastic

Amy and The House of Cats said...

paper or plastic - which bag is more fun to play with? That is a big debate at our house.

fraggle: does the plastic bag have something interesting in it? perhaps treats?

i think Amy means a grocery bag, fraggle.

fraggle: oh, no, around here those are poop bags. or they get nasty stuff from the fridge that has to be thrown out before garbage day. i don't like to play with those.

widget: bags? i keep finding paper bags on the kitchen floor with treats in them. i go eat the treats but when someone taps on the bag it kinda freaks me out and i have to go hide. which sucks because sometimes i don't finish the treats first. i wish they'd just give me the treats and not put them in a bag. it's dark in there.
i don't play with the poop bags either.
i like to play with belts though. also scarves, sashes, and the long tie thing on the bathrobe.

this is the most i've ever seen widget play with a paper bag, big or little. and there was food in it.

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editor's note

Hey, sorry, if you look at the page and see the content of your comment removed, it wasn't that you said anything offensive, it's just the only way I have to remove private information that was mentioned in the comments. I do not normally share the information as to what state me and the kittehs are located in. I've got a stalker.
And if it comes down to keeping the blog or hiding where I live, I'm ditching the blog.
As of right now, I'm going to be moderating all comments.
Thanks for understanding

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Today we have three products for the kittehs to review. please note neither the kittehs nor their human have ever used these products, nor seen them in person. opinions are based solely on the photos and product descriptions on the seller's website.

The Precise Portion Pet Feeder

fraggle: if i lived alone, sure, this would be great. i eat in little bites throughout the day. go for a run, catch something furry, come in and grab a snack. but living with mega butt here, well, if it dispenses 1/4 cup at a time, i'd starve. already i'm always in line behind him for food as it is. i don't want to be licking crumbs off the bottom of the feeder. paws up, as soon as i get rid of the piggie, until then, paws down.

widget: i bet i could get it open and get all the food out at once. i like looking at a big shiny jar of food. totally paws up.

The Warming Cat Bed

fraggle: it looks nice. comfortable. fairly defensible in case of attack. i have one already without the heat or the cover on top. i do worry about lack of visibility. i'd want the cover turned toward the wall so i can see my enemies sneaking up on me. paws up.

widget: mmm, snuggles. it says it's for dogs too. do i have to share with the dogs? i don't think our dog would fit in it but the yippy dog next door would. i'd have to sit on him though. he never shuts up and i wouldn't be able to sleep. paws up as long as i don't have to share with the yippy dog.

The Canine's Misting Oasis

fraggle: so... it's a place to put a dog outside in the heat and then make it wet. you've invented something that makes hot wet dogs? HOT WET DOGS. do you even have a nose? paws down. all the way down!

widget: does it come with a cabana boy? no? then why bother? paws down

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

question from Barron

Barron said...

OK, I'd like to know just how long you guys think the use of the spelling "kitteh" will still seem cool before it starts to just seem really dated?

fraggle: i considered the choice carefully, based my decision to use the ridiculous spelling on three reasons:
  • it's still popular now and this isn't supposed to go on forever
  • using the ending of a particular theological name in conjunction with a spoof of a religious meme was too delicious a pun to pass up
  • the possibility of people finding this blog when looking for a cheap hooker seemed too high if it were titled "what would kitty do?"

widget: spelling? computer? spider? look, it's a spider! play with spider!

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kittehs make it clear: TSA scanners

what's the current kitteh opinion on the new invasive security measures at airports? specifically the millimeter wave and backscatter xray imaging devices?

fraggle: i have to travel in a plastic box with nothing but a towel and my own fur and you worry about nudie pics? i had an xray once. i was eating some grass and got it up my nose. the vet had to find it on the xray before she could go get it out. good drugs though.
and the pat downs i've been hearing about, where they feel you all over - there's nothing wrong with that, right? that's what the vet does to me. i'm sure the TSA agents are well trained and carefully screened to make sure they don't hurt anyone or cause any discomfort.

actually they aren't doctors, fraggle. they get a few hours of training and then have to get several thousand people a day through security.

fraggle: forget what i said earlier. i like the crate. i'll just be over here in my crate without anybody feeling me up, ok?

widget: xrays? is that like cosmic rays? will it make me a superhero and make my eyes glow like this? i like it when my eyes get all glowy. even if it just in pictures, i can pretend i've got super powers. wheee! vrooooom!

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mr right

Alice Skary asks: What do the kittehs have to say about how to meet Mr Right?

fraggle: as you can see, there's a lot about looking good that can attract the right male. when i was younger i thought it was all about smell. i went into heat once, before i got spayed. i didn't get to go outside then but my human did. she always came back with other cat smell on her. especially her shoes. there was this one she said was called simba, he lived at another human's house. so when i went into heat i waited until she was all dressed to leave for work and then i sprayed her shoes. i figured she would go visit this simba and maybe he'd like the smell and follow her to me. but she changed her shoes instead and i never got to meet him.

so now that i'm fixed i have to rely on my stunning good looks and muscular body. sure, it's well padded, but underneath all that fluff is a beautiful feline.
also, being a good killer helps. i had a boyfriend once, horus. he taught me how to get birds out of trees and present them to my date. i think that's something like the human custom of winning giant purple pandas at the fair. only birds taste better.

widget: Mr Right? i know that guy! his name is john. he has a nice car with a light on top and he brings yummy pizzas. what more could you want in a man?

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what would kittehs do with a mouse?

says: @ A mouse tried to run away from me, but I caught it. What should I do with it?

fraggle: bring it to me and i will decide for you.

widget: ok, what you gotta do is smack it around a little until it's kinda loopy. then you let it go for a sec, but just a sec. when it thinks it's about to get away you smack it one, bam! right across the ear. then, and this is important, you gotta take it in the house. find something light colored, that will really show off stains. now you hold it down on the floor, preferably on carpet, something really hard to clean. you wanna be able to go back and remind yourself of it for weeks, right?
now you wail for a while. make sure any humans who live with you will hear you and come to watch. you gotta have an audience, see?
and then, only then, as the humans are doing that funny thing where they try to get it away from you and start commenting on how you chose the spot that will stain the most, you kill it.
your choice here really. i have my favorite way, you have yours. but make sure you make it messy. maybe hang some guts out as you drag it around on the floor.
you got that? good.

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kittehs weigh in on vaccinations

kittehs, what do you think about the current trend of some people not getting their kids vaccinated?

fraggle: vaccinations are very important. as you can see in my picture, even i go to the vet for my vaccinations. it's important. i mean, when you are out chasing down foxes, well who knows what they have? no one wants to get rabies.

children don't get rabies shots, fraggle.

fraggle: well why not? a rabid toddler is just about the worst thing i can imagine! they bite, the they stick their hands in their mouths and then wipe it all over your fur. not get rabies shots, hmph! what kind of shots do they get then?

measles, mumps, diptheria, you know, for human diseases.

fraggle: well i don't suppose i care one way or the other about that then, cats don't get the mumps. if they all get sick and die it won't bother me much i guess. seems silly though, not to. clearly they aren't thinking like a cat. self preservation is the way to go!

widget: vax-a-whatsis? is that good to eat?

no widget, it's shots. when you go to the vet you get shots. it keeps you from getting sick.

widget: i'm not sick. the vet said so. look, i even lost weight. like 5 pounds. i'm so proud of me.

what about the children not getting their shots?

widget: are they scared of the vet too? i don't like the vet. he takes my temperature. in a bad place.... that table is cooooold!

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

what would egyptian kitteh do?

kittehs, have you been reading about the political protests in egypt? what would you do if you were an egyptian kitteh?

fraggle: all kittehs are egyptian. it is our heritage. of course if i were actually living there i'd be worshiped properly, given reverence and served by well trained staff. none of this getting my own treats.

but fraggle, even the egyptians don't worship cats anymore.

fraggle: what!?!?! astonishing. clearly civilization is ruins, nothing is to be done. you may fetch me some treats now.

what about the protestors? do you sympathize with their plight and concerns?

fraggle: is that a trick question? did you REALLY just ask a kitteh about sympathy? go ask the dog. and get me those treats on the way back.

widget: pee in their shoes.

whose shoes?

widget: all the shoes? or barf. barfing in shoes is good.

do you feel any sympathy for the plight of the citizens?

widget: i don't know what a citizen is but if they want to cuddle i'm all for it.

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snowed in?

kittehs, there's a massive storm coming! what would kitteh do?

fraggle: storms require a great deal of planning. go over your checklist:
  • the sink is running so kittehs can have fresh water?
  • the feeder reservoir is stocked up and there's a spare bag of chow in the pantry?
  • is there a big pile of blankets on the bed and the vents are blowing heat?
next make sure your human isn't going to get in the way of a three day nap. if they're running around moaning about the power going out or worried about not having enough milk and bottled water, make sure to run under their feet at the opportune time and trip them. with a little practice you can get them to knock themselves out for the whole duration of the storm. trust me, everyone will be more comfortable and you'll have a stress free snow-in.

widget: stand in front of the litterbox and cry at it until it gets cleaned. repeat pretty darn lots, even if it looks clean, you know there's always a poop chunk hiding in there somewhere. and sometimes stand near the cat treats and cry until you get some.

but widget you always do that.

widget: but you have do it more often in a storm because you can't go pee outside. so the litterbox has to be really clean.

what about the treats?

widget: what? i like treats. why would a storm make me not want treats?

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ask the kittehs

want to know what would kitteh do?
ask here and i'll see if i can coerce an opinion out of them

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