another step along the road to becoming a crazy cat lady, walk with me as i explore the lighter side of interpreting opinions my cats don't really have

Thursday, January 19, 2012

house guests of the uninvited kind

so in the last few months there have been some problems with interlopers at the house. can you guys share your opinions on the following critters?

fraggle: what raccoon? i don't see a raccoon. seriously, i'm not stupid. i'll beat up a fox but the fat bandit is scary dangerous. i'm avoiding it.

widget: it eats all my food. and makes the water in the fountain funny. *pout*

hugh: i'm not here. you don't see me. don't look under the bed!!!!

tater: dude, i got this. see the raccoon comes in the cat door, right? just saunters on by and doesn't mess wit' nobody. so we're cool.

fat bandit: hey! hey! thanks for inviting me over! i love the new fountain! you have great snacks! hey! why are you chasing me! i don't wanna go home! hey! it's cool! i'll come back later!

okay, so what about this guy? we last saw him last winter when he was just a skinny little black streak running out the cat door. but he's gotten bigger [looks tomcattish and hasn't been observably pregnant, so without checking we are guessing "him"]
i know you guys have some strong opinions because i've heard you talking to him

fraggle: when he's outside, we're cool. he can hang out under the car all day for all i care.

widget: he eats all my food. he just - EATS IT!! it's like he doesn't even care that i'm going to starve to death

hugh: GRRRR! i don't like him one bit. when he's around i am a good boy and i guard the fortress. he shall not pass! i'm a good boy!

tater: it's cool. i mean, he's not so bad. sometimes, man, we hang out, we sit around, catch some rays.

feral tom: seriously, could you talk to that orange one? he's nuts. i just want to grab a snack. it's bad enough i can't come by at night anymore because of that fat bandit but he's all up in my business whenever i stop by for a little lunch.

and here's a strange little non cat. have you met?

fraggle: he smells funny. he doesn't come around much but when he does, the carport just sets off my sniffer. whew!

widget: the weird looking cat? he's kind of pointy. but he doesn't eat my food. i like him. he can come by any time!

hugh: he showed me some neat hidey holes. when i am in my hidey holes you can't see me. he's a good hider.

tater: he's kinda skittish. i mean, he just toddles away when i come around. it's like he's scared of me. what a chicken.

pointy faced cat: lady, quit looking at me.

houseguests of the invited kind

hey, do you guys remember when tater came to stay for a couple of months last winter after he was rescued?

fraggle: sort of. he was in that other room. you spent a lot of time in there and came out smelling like him. i remember being mad at you a lot

widget: sure. he has funny hair

hugh: no. why don't i remember?

hugh, you didn't live here then. you still lived in foster kitty city.

hugh: oh yeah, the place with all the baby cats. i'm like the size of a hundred baby cats!

tater went to live with a very nice person for a while but it turned out tater didn't get on well there. something about insane aggressive biting for no good reason. so now he's living with us again. he has been for a few months now. why don't you guys tell me how things are settling around here?

fraggle: hah! look, i know he's almost twice my size, but you remember that time you and i were sitting there and he came up and smacked me in the face? i used psychology on him. it's the only way to deal with an insane cat. the fact that i didn't hit back and just stared at him freaked him out so much he ran away. we've been fine since then. he doesn't get on my bed and i don't kill him. it's a civilized arrangement

widget: he's fuzzy. i like it. he doesn't like when i wash his hair though and he hits me. i don't like being hit. he leaves plenty of food for me and he always lets me have most of the treats

hugh: i'm under the bed, so i hadn't noticed. he doesn't come under the bed.

tater, how do you like living here?

tater: it's cool. i don't like pill time, but there's always treats after. i mean, i'm kind of glad you got me to like treats. i never liked treats before. those crunchy ones with the soft middles, those are good. it's worth checking in a few times a day for a couple of those. it's nice how we go sit on the deck sometimes. although that fox was weird that one night. he saw me and just ran off into the woods. what's up with the foxes around here?

oh, tater, that's the fox fraggle beat up last year. he's ... kind of afraid of kittehs now.

tater: oh, HER. yeah, i get that. poor fox.

tater will be joining the kitteh commentary in the future. he's still insane though and the prozac doesn't seem to help as much as making sure he has plenty of freedoms and giving him lots of space to be himself. tater is a long term ["lifer"] foster cat from Alley Cats and Angels, much like hugh is.

oh, is this a bad time?

fraggle: if i turn around, this becomes a horror movie and i'm the dumb chick who looked at the serial killer. so i'm just going to pretend there's not a raccoon behind me.

raccoon: i'll come back later.